Woke up before 3 AM and knew I couldn't go back to sleep. Tried
anyway but got up at about 3:30. Searched online for "writer anxiety"
and surprisingly found results from several ".edu" sources.
The
description that enticed me to click said, "...turn anxiety into
creativity." Here's a quick quote:
"In other words, you’re a clone of
the Charlie Kaufman character in ‘Adaptation’-- bleary-eyed, unshaven,
sleep-deprived, staring pathetically at the empty computer screen,
hoping for inspiration and yearning for another cup of coffee, and maybe
a nice banana-nut muffin. A dozen nagging, self-mocking thoughts echo
in your head: You’re untalented, a fraud. You’re getting old and fat.
No woman (or man) will ever want to sleep with you again. Your life is
over."
Aha, I am not alone!
And one more line:
"And, as I’ve said countless times
to the writer clients in my practice, struggling with these doubts and
fears doesn’t say anything about you as a writer. Other than that you
ARE a writer."
In my practice? The author is a pro? There
is therapy for writers?
The article is from The Writer's Store at WritersStore.com, by Dennis Palumbo,
a "psychotherapist specializing in creative issues," according to an
interview with him on his site, DennisPalumbo.com.
And he's right -- my sleeplessness and burning doubt are grist for the mill. He says, "This is particularly true for
writers, whose very feelings are the raw materials of their craft"
This will make it into the book. I remember the same energy waking me up before dawn when I was writing articles for gantthead.com and techrepublic.com (project management and info-tech sites) . It came in very handy, too, because I was working full-time then, in addition to writing freelance articles. If anxiety hadn't woken me up, I wouldn't have had time to write.
So if you're thinking about writing, get ready for the jitters and doubts. I've just started farming, too, and that hasn't caused anxiety. That just gets me dirty -- I shower and start all over again. But I can't not write, so for now, I'll read the rest of the article, then see if I can shower off some of this dirty anxiety.